Does my wife love me? Does my husband love me?

It is a question that is very frequently asked on search engines. The straightforward answer is a big NO. yes, your wife/husband does not love you. She does not love any tom, dick or harry. if she loves tom, she does not love tom’s name or tom’s individual existence on this planet earth, rather she loves some strengths that tom has. You can put it this way, her love is not unconditional.

When you love some one, you does not love his or her existence. You love some of his or her traits and strengths. Those traits or strengths can be appearance, physical power, wisdom, good manners, education, good habits etc… if some one loved you because of your facial beauty, that love would definitely fade away as soon as the beauty fades away and if some one was attracted to you because of your soft speaking style the relationship will exist as long as you remain a cool personality.

So, it is very important to understand what traits of you appeal the most to your partner. you should focus on enhancing those traits, love would automatically follow you. Love can not be dictated, created or destroyed. Love is a spontaneous feeling

Those who beg for love are the ignorant. The beggars can get mercy but not love. if you are not being loved, never try to beg for it. Rather search those traits and strengths which are loved.

Different persons may have different priorities. For some, being handsome or beautiful may be the most valuable. For some women the physical strength and the sense of security may be the most important. The economic stability, no doubt, is the priority of every women. Some women may be impressed by your high ethical standards, caring habits and education. Men may be mostly fascinated by physical fitness and smartness. Also, the men tend to be easy going and want peace at home. They want to be appreciated for their handwork and need a lot of encouragement by their life partners for the life challenges and endeavors. So all you need to do is to find out what type of man or woman your life partner is and then enhance that strength or trait in yourself.

We are usually accustomed to our blood relations(like parents and siblings) since childhood. The blood relations are very different from marital relations. The blood relations may have unconditioned love and care. But the marital relations are actually contracts where you make a deal to live together after finalizing some gives and takes.  That contract stays as long as the promised or expected gives and takes are fulfilled. Otherwise, your wife or your husband is as alien or stranger as any other person on the street.

Toothache Remedy

Toothache is very disturbing. The toothache remedy is usually pain killers followed by some antibiotics.  There are also many home remedies for toothache which are mostly based on herbs.

But here the toothache remedy is based on physiotherapy. Nearly all medicines have some type of side effects. Physiotherapy is very safe treatment as we don’t have to take any medicine.

Toothache Remedy using chewing gum

1. Take a chewing gum of your favorite taste. if you have pain in right teeth, chew the gum using left teeth and vice versa.
2. Keep it chewing until  it becomes tasteless.
3. When it becomes tasteless, move it to the effected teeth side.
4. You may have to bear lot of pain in start but try to bear it and keep chewing using the effected teeth.
5. Continue the process for as long as you can.
6. Repeat it as many time as you can.
7. I hope, within a few hours, the toothache will disappear.

But it is not permanent solution, you should have all the cavities filled as soon as possible and should rinse the mouth thoroughly after every meal (milk and sugar are the worst culprits for cavities).

Never forget to brush your teeth before sleeping.

Assertiveness Skills – Stand for your rights

They say, excess of everything is bad. We need to find the middle way. The strategy of finding the middle way, standing for your rights and respecting for other rights is directly related to your positive behavior of assertiveness.

What is assertiveness

Assertiveness is, standing for your rights in cool and calm manner with respect for other’s rights as well. In every day life, we are either aggressive or passive. The assertiveness is the middle way neither bullying others nor being bullied by others.

What is wrong with aggressive behavior.

The aggressive people always try to enforce their will and decisions without listening to others. They loose their friendships over time. People start avoiding them. Sometimes, people leave them silently and sometime the relationship ends violently after dreadful fight.

How aggressive attitude is developed?

The behaviors may be associative with genetics but mostly they are developed over time. The environment of your home has very important role in developing your behavior. if you are always obeyed and your every wish (right or wrong) is fulfilled in childhood.if you are elder in your family, and you have been taunting and hitting the young ones, the chances are that you become aggressive over time. In patriarchal societies, the males are given privileges. The boys get privilege since childhood and overtime, they develop the aggressive behavior. Therefore , it is general observation that the eldest male kid tends to be the most aggressive individual in a family.

What is wrong with passive attitude

The passive attitude is very dangerous for personality growth of an individual. The passive people can not maintain their individual stand point. The biggest problem with passive people is that they don’t know how to say NO. In short, they are the YES persons. They always say ‘YES’  even sometime when they know they would not be able to fulfill their promises. The false promises not only harm harm their reputation but also they feel guilty in themselves.

How submissive or passive attitude is developed?

The passive attitude is also result of the childhood grooming. The younger kids if bullied and dictated by the elders, tend to become submissive over time. Every child has curious nature. But when we suppress the curious nature of the child by force and dictate him to obey our orders without asking any question, the submission and the passiveness becomes his nature. When a behavior becomes second nature, it is very difficult to get rid of it.

How to be assertive?

To be assertive is  technique that can’t be learned overnight. It is skills that can be matured with practice. Of course, like swimming, riding and cycling, the best way to learn is learning by doing it. Here are few rules that should be kept in mind while practicing.

• Most of the time, while trying to be assertive, people become aggressive. The aggressive behavior further aggravates the problem rather than solving it.
• The aggressive behavior is the reaction when you are personally and emotionally involved in some matter. So never be personal or emotional.
• Being assertive means standing for your rights. So you should aim at your rights.
• Stand cool and calm for your rights irrespective of the attitude of your opponents.
• Most of the time, we tend to be passive or submissive as want to be loved by every one. We are afraid to loose some one. But we should keep in mind that if some one will leave us just because we are asking for our legal, right, let him leave. Otherwise, we would be exploited by our so called loved ones
• When you have to say NO, say it with most acceptable and polite manner.
• Being assertive does not mean to cheat others. If you do so, you would be no more assertive, rather you are going to be aggressive. So you should protect yours as well as others rights.
• Keep in mind, you can never protect your right if your want to deceive others. so be fair and transparent. That is the key to success.