Waris Shah is considered Shakespeare of Punjabi literature. I read his book very critically to find out what is special about it that HEER WARIS SHAH(his book) stands out from other books with the same topic. The answer is “Attention to the details”. He is never in a hurry. It seems as he lives his ideas for weeks before penning it down. Whenever he chooses a topic to write on, he conducts proper and systematic research for weeks or even months, gives it proper time, and then puts it on paper. In the whole book of almost 500 pages, he always tried consciously to achieve perfection. He never wrote half-cooked ideas.

Distraction is bad!

The short-term distractions are visible, but long-term distractions are not visible. here it is how!

you can see the downside of distraction in the short run while you are trying to finish a daily task, like studying or doing office work.  if you have distractions, it is obvious you will not be able to finish the task as planned resulting in frustration and unwanted delays.

the same thing happens in the long run. imagine you set a new goal in life that may take a couple of years. if you consistently work to achieve that goal, you will definitely achieve it. but if you have distractions, you have a change of plan after every few months. you will be nowhere at the end of two years. thus long-term distractions are less visible but more catastrophic in the long run.

Punjabi Song Rani

It is a beautiful song from the movie Bhalwan sing by Ranjit Bawa. The lovely lyrics of this songs were written by Jaggi Pathan Koti and its music was composed by Gurmoh. Here are the lyrics:

allhRe teri gut lameri
الھڑے تیری گُت لمیری

raani e naagaa’n di
رانی اے ناگاں دی

laali tere gallhaa’n utte
لالی تیرے گلھاں ات٘ے

saavan deaa’n baagaa’n di
ساون دیاں باگاں دی

kachchiyaa’n challeaa’n de daNe
کچ٘یاں چھل٘یاں دے دانے

chitte tere da’nd kuRe
چٹے تیرے دند کُڑے

na hoN uDeekaa’n methon
نا ہون اڈیکاں میتھوں

ho jaa razamand kuRe
ہو جا رضامند کڑے

joRa kise phul da bann k
جوڑا کسے پھُل دا بن کے

laggiye kise Tahni nee
لگ٘یے کسے ٹاہنی نی

apni bana k tenu
اپنی بنا کے تینوں

rakhoo’n ga raani nee
رکھوں گا رانی نی

suN k teri boli tote,
سن کے تیری بولی توتے

chooriyaa’n khaawaN ge
چُوریاں کھاون گے

bullhaa’n da rang gulabi
بُلھاں دا رنگ گلابی

chunjhaa’n te laavaN ge
چنجھاں تے لاون گے

waslaa’n da Dullhyaa akh cho’n
وصلاں دا ڈلھیا اکھ چوں

peewan ge paaNi nee
پیون گے پانی نی

apni bana k tenu
اپنی بنا کے تینوں

rakhoo’n ga raani nee
رکھوں گا رانی

bhull gaye sab pata Thikaana
بھل گئے سب پتہ ٹھکانہ

naiNaa’n di laa k nee
نیناں دی لا کے نی

phulaa’n ton gir gaye thalle
پھُل٘اں توں گر گئے تھل٘ے

bhaure Ghash kha k nee
بھورے غش کھا کے نی

surmai teree nazar ne keetee
سرمئی تیری نظر نے کیتی

miThree be-emaani nee
مٹھڑی بے ایمانی نی

TuT gaye ne thaave’n tiRak ke
ٹٹ گئے نیں تھاویں تڑک کے

sheeshe sultaani nee
شیشے سلطانی نی

jangli kayee more v baiThee
جنگلی کئی مور وی بیٹھے

ban k tere hani ni
بن کے تیرے ہانی نی

apni bana k tenu
اپنی بنا کے تینوں

rakhoo’n ga raanee nee
رکھوں گا رانی نی

Video of the song Rani

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last man standing.

The war is almost over. All of your companions and friends joined the enemy or escaped from the field. You are the last man standing. How does it feel like? I asked this question to an old man. He was firm in his conviction and was following the path of his consciousness.

He answered quite calmly. I am happy with what and where I am. I am not at all afraid of defeat as I am never going to be defeated. The defeat is for those who accept it by their will. Those who escape, run away or submit. But those who stand for their conviction are never defeated as long as they survive and when they are no more it does not matter, it may be counted as defeat or victory for the rest of the world. For them it was never a defeat because as long as they lived, they lived with dignity.

The old man was a Pakistani Punjabi nationalist. He fought the war for the survival of his mother tongue and kept fighting till his last breath. No problem if you are the last man standing You are worth thousands as long as you are loyal to yourself and your consciousness. Don’t care about the public. The public goes with the flow. Their are really few people who swim against the flow. They damn care if they are alone. And that’s like a man.

Fighting a losing battle?

Fighting a loosing battle.!!! It is really tough when you know that you are not going to win. But you have to stand by your ideals and have to guard your ideological boundaries for which you are sure you are right. What should you do? Should you give up the loosing battle. Should you join the opponents? These are very difficult questions. Let’s discuss them.

How do you know that you are actually fighting a loosing battle. It is nothing more than your prediction. And who knows the future. It is an established fact that most of the time, people quit when they are actually just inches away from their destination. Although based on the circumstances and the past experiences some safe predictions can be made yet when you are dead sure that you are right and it worth fighting you should never loose the ground.

Fighting a loosing battle or fighting a winning battle is more or less the same. While fighting a loosing battle, you try to delay the defeat as long as possible whereas in fighting a winning battle, you are doing the same but you think the defeat is not in near future. No success is eternal. Every success is followed by the failure. We call it success only because we don’t see any threat in near future. You can put it this way that a battle becomes loosing when you can predict a threat in near future. And when you can’t predict a threat in near future, it is called a winning battle.

That’s why it is said that when you set out for a big adventure, turn a deaf ear to the spectators. There is a motivational story for kids about it. Once there was a group of ants. Once they decided to elect their king. It was unanimously decided that the one who had the most power and stamina would be their king. The task was to carry a whole grain of wheat from the ground all the way up to the roof across a brick wall. Only one attempt was allowed. All of them tried but no one succeeded except one. When any ant, trying to carry the grain, was about to fall, all other started shouting. “you are about to fall, you are about to fall.”. Thus making her belief that  she was fighting a loosing battle. This realization of loss actually caused every ant to loose. To our surprise, the one who won the competition was not the strongest. She was actually deaf who did not listen to any one and kept fighting to win the battle.

We are all bound to die. So should not we call this life as fighting the loosing battle? but we don’t do so. Rather we try to enjoy every bit of it. Although we know that at the end of the day, the life will end yet we try to rejoice as much as possible. The threat is there but we can not predict the timing of the threat. So we can conclude that the battle becomes a loosing battle when the timing of the threat is predicted. So problem is not about threat but its prediction.

Once there was a young man suffering from some incurable disease. His doctor gave him the time of 2 years. It was a prediction of threat. He was going to be married in next month but he dismissed the  plan. He asked his fiancee to marry some one else. He quieted all the joyful activities. Threat is a reality but it looks like a fiction as we don’t have any prediction. But when the threat of death is there on your head with exact timing, life becomes the most dreadful thing in the universe.  The doctor who gave him the time of two years, died the same year in an accident. But he enjoyed every bit of his life. He married and went to honeymoon.  While on honeymoon, his car underwent a land slide and he died on the spot. But just before that moment of death he was as lively as he is  going to live forever. On the other hand, the man with incurable disease lived ten years but ruined all his life. When some one is suffering from incurable disease, it is said he is fighting a loosing battle. but when some one is recovering from a curable disease he thinks himself victorious. No one knows about the future. So predicting about the threat of future will only ruin your present.

Death is bitter reality of this universe. We are all moving towards death day by day. So while taking food and taking care of our health, we are all fighting the loosing battle. By fighting this battle we try increase the quality of life and try to delay the arrival of death. But we don’t call it a loosing battle only because we don’t know the exact time of death.  They say, the past is a history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift that’s why it is called present.

I have been struggling for saving the Punjabi language in Pakistan. Punjabi being the most common language in Pakistan is loosing ground in its homeland due to state sponsored policies. Punjabi is used in informal discussions and at home. The written form of Punjabi is not taught at any school in Pakistan. In this era of information, a language that is not in written form is most like to perish. As Punjabi has no official status in Pakistan, the Punjabi families started abandoning it. In any city of Punjab Pakistan, the new generation can not speak Punjabi because parents prefer to speak in Urdu with them. There is not a single Punjabi TV channel in Lahore the heart of Punjab. Punjabi is dying day by day. I and some other crazy Punjabi Nationals are doing our best to save and promote. We hear such rhetoric very often as the “time of Punjabi is over”. “You are fighting a loosing battle.” But we will not give up. As we know every single step of our effort no matter how small it is, will delay the death of this very beautiful and enriched language.

At the end of the day every thing is mortal. Every thing is changeable. Nothing is permanent. English was once the language of a village but now gained the status of most popular International language. Similarly Urdu/Hindi are now prevailing in India Pakistan region. But it is sure that they will not stay for ever as change is the only  permanent aspect of this universe. But we will not give in. We will carry on our struggle hoping that one day Punjabi will be the national, official, scientific and business language. It may look like a dream but every realization starts with a dream. And it is not a loosing battle, it is CERTAINLY a winning battle and worth fighting.

 

 

 

 

Does my wife love me? Does my husband love me?

It is a question that is very frequently asked on search engines. The straightforward answer is a big NO. yes, your wife/husband does not love you. She does not love any tom, dick or harry. if she loves tom, she does not love tom’s name or tom’s individual existence on this planet earth, rather she loves some strengths that tom has. You can put it this way, her love is not unconditional.

When you love some one, you does not love his or her existence. You love some of his or her traits and strengths. Those traits or strengths can be appearance, physical power, wisdom, good manners, education, good habits etc… if some one loved you because of your facial beauty, that love would definitely fade away as soon as the beauty fades away and if some one was attracted to you because of your soft speaking style the relationship will exist as long as you remain a cool personality.

So, it is very important to understand what traits of you appeal the most to your partner. you should focus on enhancing those traits, love would automatically follow you. Love can not be dictated, created or destroyed. Love is a spontaneous feeling

Those who beg for love are the ignorant. The beggars can get mercy but not love. if you are not being loved, never try to beg for it. Rather search those traits and strengths which are loved.

Different persons may have different priorities. For some, being handsome or beautiful may be the most valuable. For some women the physical strength and the sense of security may be the most important. The economic stability, no doubt, is the priority of every women. Some women may be impressed by your high ethical standards, caring habits and education. Men may be mostly fascinated by physical fitness and smartness. Also, the men tend to be easy going and want peace at home. They want to be appreciated for their handwork and need a lot of encouragement by their life partners for the life challenges and endeavors. So all you need to do is to find out what type of man or woman your life partner is and then enhance that strength or trait in yourself.

We are usually accustomed to our blood relations(like parents and siblings) since childhood. The blood relations are very different from marital relations. The blood relations may have unconditioned love and care. But the marital relations are actually contracts where you make a deal to live together after finalizing some gives and takes.  That contract stays as long as the promised or expected gives and takes are fulfilled. Otherwise, your wife or your husband is as alien or stranger as any other person on the street.

Toothache Remedy

Toothache is very disturbing. The toothache remedy is usually pain killers followed by some antibiotics.  There are also many home remedies for toothache which are mostly based on herbs.

But here the toothache remedy is based on physiotherapy. Nearly all medicines have some type of side effects. Physiotherapy is very safe treatment as we don’t have to take any medicine.

Toothache Remedy using chewing gum

1. Take a chewing gum of your favorite taste. if you have pain in right teeth, chew the gum using left teeth and vice versa.
2. Keep it chewing until  it becomes tasteless.
3. When it becomes tasteless, move it to the effected teeth side.
4. You may have to bear lot of pain in start but try to bear it and keep chewing using the effected teeth.
5. Continue the process for as long as you can.
6. Repeat it as many time as you can.
7. I hope, within a few hours, the toothache will disappear.

But it is not permanent solution, you should have all the cavities filled as soon as possible and should rinse the mouth thoroughly after every meal (milk and sugar are the worst culprits for cavities).

Never forget to brush your teeth before sleeping.

Assertiveness Skills – Stand for your rights

They say, excess of everything is bad. We need to find the middle way. The strategy of finding the middle way, standing for your rights and respecting for other rights is directly related to your positive behavior of assertiveness.

What is assertiveness

Assertiveness is, standing for your rights in cool and calm manner with respect for other’s rights as well. In every day life, we are either aggressive or passive. The assertiveness is the middle way neither bullying others nor being bullied by others.

What is wrong with aggressive behavior.

The aggressive people always try to enforce their will and decisions without listening to others. They loose their friendships over time. People start avoiding them. Sometimes, people leave them silently and sometime the relationship ends violently after dreadful fight.

How aggressive attitude is developed?

The behaviors may be associative with genetics but mostly they are developed over time. The environment of your home has very important role in developing your behavior. if you are always obeyed and your every wish (right or wrong) is fulfilled in childhood.if you are elder in your family, and you have been taunting and hitting the young ones, the chances are that you become aggressive over time. In patriarchal societies, the males are given privileges. The boys get privilege since childhood and overtime, they develop the aggressive behavior. Therefore , it is general observation that the eldest male kid tends to be the most aggressive individual in a family.

What is wrong with passive attitude

The passive attitude is very dangerous for personality growth of an individual. The passive people can not maintain their individual stand point. The biggest problem with passive people is that they don’t know how to say NO. In short, they are the YES persons. They always say ‘YES’  even sometime when they know they would not be able to fulfill their promises. The false promises not only harm harm their reputation but also they feel guilty in themselves.

How submissive or passive attitude is developed?

The passive attitude is also result of the childhood grooming. The younger kids if bullied and dictated by the elders, tend to become submissive over time. Every child has curious nature. But when we suppress the curious nature of the child by force and dictate him to obey our orders without asking any question, the submission and the passiveness becomes his nature. When a behavior becomes second nature, it is very difficult to get rid of it.

How to be assertive?

To be assertive is  technique that can’t be learned overnight. It is skills that can be matured with practice. Of course, like swimming, riding and cycling, the best way to learn is learning by doing it. Here are few rules that should be kept in mind while practicing.

• Most of the time, while trying to be assertive, people become aggressive. The aggressive behavior further aggravates the problem rather than solving it.
• The aggressive behavior is the reaction when you are personally and emotionally involved in some matter. So never be personal or emotional.
• Being assertive means standing for your rights. So you should aim at your rights.
• Stand cool and calm for your rights irrespective of the attitude of your opponents.
• Most of the time, we tend to be passive or submissive as want to be loved by every one. We are afraid to loose some one. But we should keep in mind that if some one will leave us just because we are asking for our legal, right, let him leave. Otherwise, we would be exploited by our so called loved ones
• When you have to say NO, say it with most acceptable and polite manner.
• Being assertive does not mean to cheat others. If you do so, you would be no more assertive, rather you are going to be aggressive. So you should protect yours as well as others rights.
• Keep in mind, you can never protect your right if your want to deceive others. so be fair and transparent. That is the key to success.

 

No matter whatever the situation may be, they are always late. You  can scold and punish them or call them irresponsible, insane or tardy. They were late, they are late and they would be late.

If you are among one of them who are chronically late. Don’t search the internet to find the solutions for it. You would further feel depressed and low esteem. The reason is, almost all the articles on internet are written by those who themselves are early birds. They hate late comers and try to educate them with their so called fake strategies. They think, being late is actually a bad habit that demands strict actions and can be changed overtime.

The fact is, it is NOT a habit. You are hardwired either as early bird or late bird. It is a part of personality.  Just like, you can not change your complexion, height and eye colors. Similarly you can not change this part of your personality.

if you are a late bird, people may advise you to

1. Add 10-15 minutes to your clock..(This self deceiving technique may work for few days until your body clock is adjusted according to your wall clock  )
2. You should realize the benefit of being early and the loss of being late. (Those who are chronically late already realize it!!! This reiteration of the fact will only depress them instead of adding any benefit.)
3. Add some slack time. (The internal body clock of the late comers always eats that slack time no problem how much slack you add)

So what is the solution… !!!!!!???????
Those who are chronically late are actually optimistic people. They can think and dream big. So instead of cursing themselves, they should embrace it as part of their personality and their potential energy. They are late because they optimistically think to cover the 50 minutes commute in 40-45 minutes.
But when they face the embarrassment of being late every other day. They convince themselves to leave home earlier at least by 15 minutes. But that techniques also does not work. Because whenever they check the clock, it is always 10-15 minutes ahead of their expectation. Here again, their optimistic behavior is responsible. They can not estimate the passage of time. So, If your commute would take 30 minutes, add 15 minutes and leave your home 45 minutes before the office timing. you should make sure that you would step out of your home at any cost at the specific time. Now the next question is how to achieve it? As you are optimistic, you will always under estimate the speed of time. The 30 minutes would seems like 15-20 minutes for you. The solution is, purchase a water proof wrist watch which would be with you all time ever during shower time. Allocate time to tasks for instance 10 minutes for taking bath, 15 minutes breakfast etc. and then adhere to that schedule strictly always keeping an eye on the watch.
It is not guaranteed solution. But it would work most of the time if you are really serious about your habit of being late and you comes under the category of optimistic people.

Human brains are very complex. The scientists could discover the human brain only as much as they discovered the universe. We know, the universe is limitless and the scientists could discover only fraction of it. So is the human brain.
But why it is that we call some one as intelligent and some other person as dull. Should we do it? Do we have any measurement tool? Normally, the apparent tool to gauge the intelligence of students is their grades. Those with high grades are considered intelligent and those with low grades are considered dull. It is ironical that such an amazing part of human body(brain) is labelled just because of some tests and exams.

When we label some brain as dull or intelligent. We don’t change it physically. It remains what it is. But we do hypnotise the person. If a person is labelled as dull in school or college. He would carry that conviction in his mind whole life. He would feel inferior in presence of so called “Intelligent” people. He would hesitate to take any big initiative and will definitely live a life with low morale. On the other hand, when we label some one as intelligent/genius. No miracle happens in his brain. But we do give him a false reason to feel superior and undermine his peers. So he/she leads his life with false feelings of superiority.

The reality lies on the other way round. All the brains are the gift of nature. They are neither superior not inferior. The fact is, they are different. They are different just as the thumb impressions. Every one of us has different thumb impression but no one can be termed as superior or inferior on the that basis.

All of us are amazing creations of nature. All of us have different aptitude and talent. My point can be further illustrated by the following diagram.

Most of the time, we test lions by their flying abilities and birds by their swimming abilities. We always see natural curve in every field. It means their are very few people who are actually fit in a particular field. The rest have been screwed in the wrong fields.

American developmental psychologist Howard Gardener described nine types of intelligence.

Naturalist (nature smart)
Musical (sound smart)
Logical-mathematical (number/reasoning smart)
Existential (life smart)
Interpersonal (people smart)
Bodily-kinesthetic (body smart)
Linguistic (word smart)
Intra-personal (self smart)
Spatial (picture smart)

But I think there are as many types of intelligence as there are humans on the planet earth and the real success of the life is to discover your actual hidden talent and work on that. if you succeed in discovering your hidden talent, you will REALLY enjoy the LIFE.

By Rehan Chaudhry