Assertiveness skills

Assertiveness Skills – Stand for your rights

They say, excess of everything is bad. We need to find the middle way. The strategy of finding the middle way, standing for your rights and respecting for other rights is directly related to your positive behavior of assertiveness.

assertiveness skills
assertiveness skills

What is assertiveness

Assertiveness is, standing for your rights in cool and calm manner with respect for other’s rights as well. In every day life, we are either aggressive or passive. The assertiveness is the middle way neither bullying others nor being bullied by others.

What is wrong with aggressive behavior.

The aggressive people always try to enforce their will and decisions without listening to others. They loose their friendships over time. People start avoiding them. Sometimes, people leave them silently and sometime the relationship ends violently after dreadful fight.

How aggressive attitude is developed?

The behaviors may be associative with genetics but mostly they are developed over time. The environment of your home has very important role in developing your behavior. if you are always obeyed and your every wish (right or wrong) is fulfilled in childhood.if you are elder in your family, and you have been taunting and hitting the young ones, the chances are that you become aggressive over time. In patriarchal societies, the males are given privileges. The boys get privilege since childhood and overtime, they develop the aggressive behavior. Therefore , it is general observation that the eldest male kid tends to be the most aggressive individual in a family.

What is wrong with passive attitude

The passive attitude is very dangerous for personality growth of an individual. The passive people can not maintain their individual stand point. The biggest problem with passive people is that they don’t know how to say NO. In short, they are the YES persons. They always say ‘YES’  even sometime when they know they would not be able to fulfill their promises. The false promises not only harm harm their reputation but also they feel guilty in themselves.

How submissive or passive attitude is developed?

The passive attitude is also result of the childhood grooming. The younger kids if bullied and dictated by the elders, tend to become submissive over time. Every child has curious nature. But when we suppress the curious nature of the child by force and dictate him to obey our orders without asking any question, the submission and the passiveness becomes his nature. When a behavior becomes second nature, it is very difficult to get rid of it.

How to be assertive?

To be assertive is  technique that can’t be learned overnight. It is skills that can be matured with practice. Of course, like swimming, riding and cycling, the best way to learn is learning by doing it. Here are few rules that should be kept in mind while practicing.

  • Most of the time, while trying to be assertive, people become aggressive. The aggressive behavior further aggravates the problem rather than solving it.
  • The aggressive behavior is the reaction when you are personally and emotionally involved in some matter. So never be personal or emotional.
  • Being assertive means standing for your rights. So you should aim at your rights.
  • Stand cool and calm for your rights irrespective of the attitude of your opponents.
  • Most of the time, we tend to be passive or submissive as want to be loved by every one. We are afraid to loose some one. But we should keep in mind that if some one will leave us just because we are asking for our legal, right, let him leave. Otherwise, we would be exploited by our so called loved ones
  • When you have to say NO, say it with most acceptable and polite manner.
  • Being assertive does not mean to cheat others. If you do so, you would be no more assertive, rather you are going to be aggressive. So you should protect yours as well as others rights.
  • Keep in mind, you can never protect your right if your want to deceive others. so be fair and transparent. That is the key to success.


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